Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com Vacuum Days is an online guide to events taking place each day throughout 2011 in different locations around the world. Dates, times, places and other details are correct at the time of publication. Vacuum Days is a project by Tim Etchells. Updated daily, 365 days of the year. Sat, 31 Dec 2011 07:19:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 Out With the Old http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/31/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/31/#comments Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:00:41 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5359 OUT WITH
THE OLD
& IN WITH
THE NEW


WORTHLESS LONE & YEAR LONG DANCE ABOUT NOTHING
PERFORMED AT MIDNIGHT IN AN EMPTY HOUSE TO AN AUDIENCE OF NONE

Vacuum Days is Over – You Have Been Watching

*
ABSOLUTELY NO THANKS TO ANYONE

THE JUDGE’S DECISION IS FINAL.

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/31/feed/ 0 CLOSURES http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/30/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/30/#comments Fri, 30 Dec 2011 06:00:20 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5345 VENUE CLOSED FOR DEMOLITION
VENUE CLOSED FOR UNCONVINCING RE-FURB
VENUE CLOSED FOR CONVERSION TO CAR PARK, SHOPPING MALL & BASEMENT TORTURE CENTRE
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO BOMB DAMAGE, ARSON & GAS LEAKS
VENUE CLOSED FOR PRIVATE RE-DEVELOPMENT
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO MENTAL INSTABILITY
VENUE CLOSED FOR LONG TERM DERELICTION
VENUE CLOSED FOR PERMANENT EXORCISM
VENUE CLOSED FOR NO REAL REASON
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO INTELLECTUAL STAGNATION
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO BULLYING
VENUE CLOSED FOR CONVERSION TO 120 ‘UNIQUE’ LOFT-STYLE APPARTMENTS (SIC)
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO TERROR THREATS
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO SERIOUS COMPRESSION ERRORS & ARTEFACTING
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO TOTAL LACK OF INTEREST
VENUE CLOSED FOR LEGAL REASONS
VENUE CLOSED FOREVER
VENUE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO ILL HEALTH OF THE OWNER
VENUE CLOSED FOR JIHAD PRACTICE, INSANITY & DIVORCE
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO TERMINAL BOREDOM
VENUE CLOSED FOR ‘PERSONAL REASONS’
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO FLOODING, KIDNAP, SUBSIDENCE & TAX EVASION
VENUE CLOSED FOR CONVERSION TO WELL-DODGY MASSAGE PARLOUR
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO CIVIL WAR, BAD DEBTS & D.O.S ATTACKS
VENUE CLOSED FOR REDECORATION & PESTICIDAL TREATMENT
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO COMPLICATIONS ARISING AFTER A ROUTINE OPERATION
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO POLICE HARASSMENT
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO HEALTH & SAFETY VIOLATIONS
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO EXPIRY OF LEASE
VENUE CLOSED FOR CONVERSION TO NEW AGE CHURCH & PAINFULLY HIP COFFEE BAR
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO INCONTINENCE, BANKRUPTCY & PLAGUE OF STRAY DOGS
VENUE CLOSED FOR CONVERSION TO WASTELAND
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO WILLFUL NEGLECT
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO UNEXPECTED HEARTBREAK
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO ELECTRICAL FAILURES
VENUE CLOSED DUE TO SOMETHING LIKE A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/30/feed/ 0 Coming Soon / Golden Ages http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/29/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/29/#comments Thu, 29 Dec 2011 09:07:22 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5330 COMING SOON

Golden Age of Rot
Golden Age of Riot
Golden Age of Night Terror
Golden Age of Avian Flu
Golden Age of Trembling
Golden Age of Inconstancy
Golden Age of Mutation
Golden Age of Sunblock
Golden Age of Lies
Golden Age of Privatised Prisons
Golden Age of Waters Rising
Golden Age of Ice in Veins
Golden Age of Arson
Golden Age of Recession
Golden Age of Waterboarding
Golden Age of Fluid Retention
Golden Age of Sedation
Golden Age of Landmark Shopping Malls
Golden Age of Partially Structured Fictional Situations Played Out As Reality
Golden Age of Total Indifference
Golden Age of Shivering
Golden Age of Myopia
Golden Age of Frozen Liquidity
Golden Age of Lovelessness
Golden Age of Intolerance
Golden Age of Legalese
Golden Age of Pornographic Violence
Golden Age of Repression
Golden Age of Industrial Silicon
Golden Age of Cancer
Golden Age of Abandonment
Golden Age of Shame
Golden Age of Nostalgia
Golden Age of Proxy War
Golden Age of Impotence
Golden Age of Burning Cars
Golden Age of Road Rage
Golden Age of Forgetting
Golden Age of Dreams for Sale

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/29/feed/ 0 The Worst Of The Worst & The Last Of The Best http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/28/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/28/#comments Wed, 28 Dec 2011 05:00:52 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5321 The Worst Of The Worst
The Last Of The Best

*
RAISING OF THE SECURITY ALERT STATUS FROM GREEN TO YELLOW

RAISING OF THE SECURITY ALERT STATUS FROM YELLOW TO ORANGE

RAISING OF THE SECURITY ALERT STATUS FROM ORANGE TO RED

RAISING OF THE SECURITY ALERT STATUS
FROM RED TO SOME EVEN BRIGHTER
& MORE ALARMING COLOUR OF RED

*

DOGS WITH SHAVED BELLIES
MEN WITH TWISTED LEGS
WOMEN WITH SHAVED HEADS

*

The Battle of Agincourt Footlocker
& Other Pointless Christmas Murders TBC

*
Love Sold Short by Cowards Who Style Themselves As Brave

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/28/feed/ 0 XMAS PARTY GAMES SPECIAL http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/27/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/27/#comments Tue, 27 Dec 2011 06:00:11 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5293 MEN DRINKING, PISSING, SHITTING & CRYING AT THE SAME TIME

DEPRESSION KARAOKE (Repeat)

PATIENTS THAT ARE SLIPPING IN & OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS

*
XMAS PARTY GAME SPECIAL

Inc. SCISSOR RACES, PRIVATISED HEALTH SERVICE, EGG BAITING,
PIN A KNIFE IN THE GRANDCHILDREN, TOTAL SENILITY SEARCH PARTY, PAPARAZZI!, DEREUGUALTED ECONOMY, YELLING AT TV (All Channels), HUNT THE DEBTOR,
DRUGGED BALCONEERING, DRINK-FUELED INTERNATIONAL TENSION BUILD UP,
BLINDFOLD OCTOGENARIAN STRIP TWISTER, EGYPTIAN DEMOCRACY,
RAPID FORECLOSURE, PIN THE BLAME ON THE LABOUR PARTY, CLING-FILM TOILET BOWL,
PEOPLE WHO REALLY LET YOU DOWN, GETTING ON & GETTING AHEAD
& LATE-NIGHT EARLY-ONSET ALZHEIMERS (SIC) QUIZ.

plus

Spotting Patterns in Nothingness
Strictly One Player Only. No Prizes.

*

YULETIDE LANDSCAPES OF EUROPE #4667289

WOMEN GATHER FIREWOOD, BOTTLES, CANS & HUMAN WASTE
FOR POSSIBLE RE-SALE

KIDS SCRAPE GUTTERS FOR SCRAPS OF FOOD

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/27/feed/ 0 General Exacerbation http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/26/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/26/#comments Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:00:36 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5267 TRAUMA EXACERBATED BY FAMINE

SHODDY WORKMANSHIP EXACERBATED BY LOW GRADE MATERIALS
ENDEMIC POVERTY EXACERBATED BY INDUSTRIAL POLLUTION

ABYSMAL AUTOMATED TELEPHONE BOOKING SYSTEMS
EXACERBATED BY CONCEALED CREDIT-CARD SURCHARGES

WEAK & OTHERWISE NONSENSICAL DEMOCRACY
EXACERBATED BY AGRESSSIVE NON-STATE ACTORS & TRANSNATIONAL CAPITAL

WOLVES EXACERBATED BY JACKALS

POOR EDUCATION EXACERBATED BY RELENTLESS ASSET STRIPPING

MENTAL ILLNESS EXACERBATED BY PHYSICAL ABUSE

UBIQUITOUS SURVEILLANCE EXACERBATED BY COLLECTIVE AMNESIA

TORTURE EXACERBATED BY OBESITY

MENTAL RAPE EXACERBATED BY FACTORY FARMING

SUICIDE BOMBERS EXACERBATED BY CLIMATE CHANGE
INFLATION EXACERBATED BY BLOOD POISONING

INDIFFERENCE EXACERBATED BY SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION

HALF-BAKED ARGUMENTS EXACERBATED BY A TENDENCY TO VAGUENESS

CLASS DIVISION EXACERBATED BY CONSTANT RAIN

MASS HALLUCINATION EXACERBATED BY MASS HYSTERIA

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/26/feed/ 0 Xmas Special http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/25/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/25/#comments Sun, 25 Dec 2011 06:00:23 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5236 Xmas Special
All Day Four-Course Menu / One Price Suits All

Love in Formaldehyde
Hope in Formaldehyde
Faith in Formaldehyde
Trust in Formaldehyde

plus choice of desert

Total Reduction of Rehydrated Nothingness
Nonconsensual Chargrilled Optimism
or
Simulated Fruit Juice (May Contain Excrement)

*
ON THE YULETIDE SPECIAL BIG SCREEN

Celebrity Chest Pains
Jabberwocky 7 vs Intelligentsia
Inside Prince Phillipe (sic)
Twat Team Cameron: Brokeback Britain
Tanks for Memories (Repeat)
Anything for Money (Repeat)
Call Me Vesuvius (Roman Drama Repeat)
DVD Pirates of The Caribbean (Illegal Download)
Putin Forever (Repeat)
Margaret Thatcher (Deceased Please)
Hypocritical Breakfast (Alternate Reality Contest)
Mistletoe & Barrister (Paralegal Posh Detectives)
Chav Swap (Idiots)
Am-Dram Brain Swap (Total Fucking Idiots)

plus

Boiling Water on Open Wounds

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/25/feed/ 0 SHIT IN THE SHAPE OF A NOVELTY ORNAMENT http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/24/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/24/#comments Sat, 24 Dec 2011 06:00:23 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5227 XMAS ECZEMA CHARITY SPECIAL

SHIT
IN THE SHAPE
OF A NOVELTY
ORNAMENT

Inc. GOOD KING WENCELESSLASS (sic), DONKEY MANGER, BRUCE FORSYTH’S BRAIN & ELIZABETH HURELY’S (SIC) BREASTS

*
PSYCHIC CENTRIFUGE
Free Rides. Management Not Responsible for Consequences, Illness or Lost Property.

*
IMPRESSIONS OF SYRIA
Post-Colonial Holiday Snaps & Choreography of Carnage
Set to Music by Marvin Bentwhistle & Navraj Gyroscope

*
“Joined Up Thinking”

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/24/feed/ 0 YULETIDE BITTERNESS http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/23/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/23/#comments Fri, 23 Dec 2011 06:00:40 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5219 A LITTLE BIT OF
YULETIDE BITTERNESS
DOES YOU GOOD

*

Inexplicable Ritual Blinding
Of A Department Store Santa Claus
Not Entirely Suitable for Children

plus
Sexually Suggestive Stage Routines
of Snow White & the Seventeen-Inch Dwarves
Starring a Woman that Used to be Attractive & the Half-Brother of a Man who was Once in Holby City

*

Room Filled With Economic Gloom
Free Admission

*
Best Holiday-Season Car Bombs
#1 Baghdad

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/23/feed/ 0 WIVES OF THE WAR DEAD XMAS NUMBER ONE DIRGE http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/22/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/22/#comments Thu, 22 Dec 2011 06:00:58 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5205 WIVES OF THE WAR DEAD
XMAS NUMBER ONE DIRGE
Feat. Widows of Servicemen
Killed in Afghanistan, Iraq, N. Ireland & The Gulf.
Musical Arrangements by Heckler & Koch, Lockheed Martin & BAE Systems.
Styling by a Next Door Neighbor of a Man behind the Pussycat Dolls.
Choreography by Francis Bacon (Deceased). Cover Art by Pablo Picasso (Deceased).
Lyrics by Wilfred Owen (Deceased). Percentage of Proceeds to a Landmine Charity.

*

TOP TEN RACIST MUTTERINGS
OF PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALLERS
(CREATIVE INTERPRETATION BY AMATEUR LIP-READERS)
Feat. John Terry & Luis Suarez

*
GARDENERS QUESTIONTIME
FUKUSHIMA SPECIAL –
MASSIVE VEG & MUTANT PARASITES

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/22/feed/ 0 EMOTIONAL AMPUTATION FOR BEGINNERS http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/21/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/21/#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 06:00:30 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5186 EMOTIONAL AMPUTATION FOR BEGINNERS

FREE XMAS OFFER
FULL COLOUR JIGSAW OF SUBATOMIC SPACE
(ACTUAL SIZE)

plus

NEW YEAR ADVANCE PURCHASE SPECIAL
FULL COLOUR JIGSAW
OF A PULVERIZED FACE
(1:10 SCALE)

NON-PREVENTATIVE MEDICINE

*

SEASONAL SONGS OF THE WORLD ORCHESTRA
PERFORMED BY A CHOIR OF RACIST TRAFFIC COPS

EGYPTIAN DEMOCRACY IN PROGRESS
WOMEN-BEATING CONTEST
TWO POINTS FOR A CRACKED SKULL / FIVE POINTS FOR TOPLESS

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/21/feed/ 0 SLOW DEATH / A BLACK HOLE http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/20/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/20/#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 08:42:28 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5178 SLOW DEATH /
A BLACK HOLE*

*BASED ON A PREVIOUS HOLE BUT BIGGER & MORE POWERFUL

*

SONGS OF FAMINE,
ECONOMIC DISASTER,
REPRESSION
& NUCLEAR ‘DIPLOMACY’
Feat. ONE MILLION WEEPING PEDESTRIANS
Starring KIM-JONG-IL (DECEASED) & KIM JONG-UN
Choreographed by Busby Berklay (Sic) (Deceased)
Plus Tearful TV Announcers, Angry Sobbing Men in Suits & Apparently Broken Hearted Teenagers

*

11 Days of National Boredom

DISCOUNT BREAST ENHANCMENT FOR PENSIONERS

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/20/feed/ 0 LONELY PEOPLE AT XMAS VOLUNTARY EUTHENASIA PROGRAM http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/19/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/19/#comments Mon, 19 Dec 2011 06:00:11 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5164 LONELY PEOPLE
AT XMAS
VOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA PROGRAM

Sponsored by Harrods, Aldi, the DHSS & the RSPCA.
Lethal Mercy-Killing Cocktail Injections Administered by a Team of Celebrity Volunteers
inc. Norman Lamont, Amy Childs, Woody Allen, Carla Bruni, Sharon Osborne & Margaret Thatcher.

*

Tory Nazi / Nazi Tory / Tory Nazi
Cross-dressing Idiots Ski-Wear Fetish Party

*
Battle in the Aether

Dear Leader Kim Jong-il (Deceased) vs Vaclav Havel (Deceased)

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/19/feed/ 0 POWER-SAVING LIGHT-AUSTERITY http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/18/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/18/#comments Sun, 18 Dec 2011 09:24:40 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5149 ISOLATION CHAMBER
XMAS
& NEW YEAR

plus

POWER-SAVING LIGHT-AUSTERITY

COMPULSORY EXTENSION
OF DARKNESS & NIGHTTIME

HOURS OF DAYLIGHT IN EACH EUROZONE COUNTRY
CALCULATED IN PROPORTION TO SIZE OF BORROWING/DEFICIT & GDP.

(BASELINE ESTIMATES: GREECE IN TOTAL DARKNESS, GERMANY WITH DAYLIGHT 24/7)

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/18/feed/ 0 Blood Everywhere http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/17/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/17/#comments Sat, 17 Dec 2011 06:00:36 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5126
BLOOD

EVERYWHERE

&

THE SOUND
OF
AMPLIFIED
RAIN

XMAS SPECIAL OFFER
NO HOLDS BARRED
EVERYTHING MUST GO


]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/17/feed/ 0 AN XMAS CHORUS OF DEFECTIVE ANIMATRONIC SANTAS http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/16/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/16/#comments Fri, 16 Dec 2011 10:06:41 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5115 In The Scheiss-Medallion Food Court
AN XMAS CHORUS
OF DEFECTIVE ANIMATRONIC
SANTAS SING
‘ROHDOLP THAT REED KNOWS RAINDIRE’
IN BLIZZARD OF SEMI-TOXIC SNOW

PLUS

SOPHISTICATED REMOTE CONTROL BOMB-DISPOSAL ROBOTS
TOY, CUT & PROBE AT THE CORPSE OF AN INFANT LYING PRONE
TO SEE IF THERE IS SOMETHING HIDDEN INSIDE

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/16/feed/ 0 A FIGHT STAGED BETWEEN A UNICORN & A PREDATOR DRONE http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/15/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/15/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 06:00:36 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5100 A FIGHT STAGED
BETWEEN A UNICORN
&
A PREDATOR DRONE
*
UNCONSCIOUS REVELATIONS
OF A PARTIALLY SEDATED DIPLOMAT

*
DISTRESSING VIDEOS OF THE INTERNET
Feat
FRESH MEAT & INFECTED BULLET WOUNDS
ALL NEW TORTURE PORN FROM SYRIA

*

MODERN LANGUAGES
TWO FOR ONE CUT PRICE SPECIAL
FRANCOPHONE GERMANY / GERMANIC FRANCAISE

*
All New Adventures Beyond The Last Visible Dog


]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/15/feed/ 0 PEOPLE TALKING BUT NOT REALLY LISTENING TO EACH OTHER http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/14/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/14/#comments Wed, 14 Dec 2011 05:00:59 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5087 PEOPLE TALKING
BUT NOT REALLY LISTENING
TO EACH OTHER

*

CHEAP & NOT NECESSARILY CHEERFUL

“MARRIAGE OF VETO”
TWO SPEED EURO-OPERA

*

CRAPPY 4TH WALL DRAMA CO.
present
DAILY & DOMESTIC

plus

Higgs Bosun (sic)
(Partial Appearance TBC)

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/14/feed/ 0 A FESTIVAL OF POOR MANAGEMENT & INSUFFICIENT REGULATION http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/13/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/13/#comments Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:00:03 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5078 FAKE DELIBERATIONS
OF A RIGGED JURY

A FESTIVAL OF
POOR MANAGEMENT
&
INSUFFICIENT REGULATION

*
In The Basement

Damaging Gusts of Artificial Wind

Footballers & Rock Stars
vs
Inner Demons

Cold Hearted Lovers
Smother Each Other With A Blanket Of Contempt

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/13/feed/ 0 PARADE OF WORTHLESS INDIVIDUALS http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/12/ http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/12/#comments Mon, 12 Dec 2011 06:00:08 +0000 Vacuum Days http://www.vacuumdays.com/?p=5069 PARADE OF
WORTHLESS
INDIVIDUALS

plus

UNFORGIVEABLE
BULLSHIT
IN CONCERT

FREE ENTRANCE. EASY EXIT.

*

AMNESIAC HOUSEWARMING
(FORGET EVERYTHING)

]]> http://www.vacuumdays.com/2011/12/12/feed/ 0